So many months back Natalie found out that Jonathan Coulton was going to be performing at the Mission Theater again. We had such a great time at the show, that missing an opportunity to see another one would be unforgivable. Little did I know that some evil will had set it’s sights on me.

I had made arrangements to depart on UA581, leaving Chicago at 3:25p, arriving in PDX around 5:30p. Plenty of time to make the concert at 8:00p. Well, “plenty” was what I got.

So the whole cluster-fuck of a trip started like this:

~2:30p Gate change to Concourse B from Concourse C.

~3:05p Ready to board, all crew aboard, and first-class called up to board. Suddenly a problem has been discovered with the aircraft, need to change planes. Gate change #2.

~4:00p New plane located, however we need to change gates yet again. Gate change #3.

~4:15p Wrong gate, need to move again. Gate change #4.

~5:10p Supposed to be leaving at this point, however the crew is still “cleaning” the aircraft. At this point it is taking over an hour to polish it up.

~5:30p Still cleaning, however there are a lot more people entering the plane, and no one is coming out.

~6:00p Captain announces that there had been a security issue and the crew was instructed not to provide details. She apologizes and assures us the plane is safe and we are ready to board. The security issue was the crew found some book in Arabic with no owner, so according to United policy they had to sweep the plane and re-screen all bags.

~6:30p Almost ready to go, the captain is getting pissed that the boarding is taking so long. Announces that everyone needs to sit down in 60 seconds or else the crew many be flying illegally due to the time previously spent in flight. At this time four people get up and choose to hover around the bathroom. The crew is running around with their heads cutoff. Apparently they over booked a flight that was able to accommodate 20+ standbys, and they were looking for two volunteers to take another flight. Nothing was getting me off the plane. Finally the volunteers were selected and the door was closed.

~7:00p All alboard, finally we have pulled away from the gate only to stop on the tarmack. All outbound flights have been postponed due to a huge thunderstorm over head. Captain is on the PA wanted to start a trivia game to guess how fast the winds are, offering a bottle of wine to the winner.

~7:30p Tornado warning issued for O’Hare, some planes are returning to the gates.

~7:45p We are cleared for departure and get the hell out of ORD! Only four hours late!